PRUNWAY SEASON 9 STARTS THURSDAY!

NEW SEASON OF PROJECT RUNWAY STARTS TOMORROW AT 9/8c!

And so, here is some GRATUITOUS SWATCH FOR YOU!

SwatchSimile: "This looks like that time Mr. Bojangles pooped all over the tree lawn and then threw up on top of it and then Barksy ate it and then threw it up!"

Baroo.

Season 7, Episode 10 - Hey, That's My Fabric!

Challenge: Create a look using a textile of your own design!

Target: Jonathan's backwards wrap jacket

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco straightjacket!"

"Oh, look at that. Your husband helps you back on with your straight-jacket. Sweetie, that's not a good thing."

Holy shit, MK. Enough with the disco similes! Clearly, someone misses Studio 54. I actually didn't hate this so much. Sure, the backwards jacket was a little idiotic-- I mean, just put the jacket on the regular way! Is it really that creative to take something normal and put it on backwards? Ooh, I'm going to put my shoes on the wrong feet! I'm an artiste! Ooh, I'm going to walk around like I'm a polar bear and put my pants on my head! I'M THE NEXT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN!

Don't mess with the magistrate.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 9 - What's Your Sign?

Challenge: Create an avant garde look inspired by the astrological sign of an eliminated designer.

Target: Blayne and Stella's Libra Look

KORSimile: "SHE IS POOPING FABRIC"

It looks like she ate some bad gay Mexican food! It looks like she ate chips made with Olean from Narnia! It looks like she's a super hero who propels herself with her magical alien gas!

NO. MK SAID IT BEST. SHE IS JUST POOPIN' OUT THE FABRIC.

You know what else looks like it's pooping fabric?

It's like that time my cat got into the expired Brazilian tuna.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 8 - Double O Fashion

Challenge: Create a look to fit in with Diane von Furstenburg's collection inspired by A Foreign Affair

KORSimile: "I mean, the tailoring is just not happening here...This crotch is every woman's nightmare on how a pant would fit. It's like, Hello! She's got something missing, if you know what I mean."

In Reference To: Stella's cape-suit

Tee-hee, what ever could you mean MK?
Oh. Well, MK surely knows his trannies. I'm betting Stella does too, if you remember her. Her boyfriend's name was Ratbones (seriously), and she had a lovely hidden-penis glow herself.

As for Prunway judges who have an affinity for trannies...
Ten bucks the belly was for show and the only pregnancy she would be involved with is someone who bought sperm from Shim.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARA!

Happy Birthday to a sister who could most likely create garments way less idiotic than most of the contestants who are on this stupid show!

I'm not sure why I chose the picture of MK looking like a gay leprechaun to commemorate my sister's birthday, but here you go.

And, in Sara's honor, here is my cat in a pirate ship.

Season 8, Episode 11 - A Look in the Line

Challenge: Create three looks to compliment Heidi's active-wear line.

Now, it's time to play--

NAME!

THAT!

KORSIMILE!

Does this mini-collection look like:

A. "A big bowl of sawdust."

B. "Sadness personified. This isn't a happy face dress, this is a sad face dress."
C. "A pajama party in a retirement home."
The correct answer is:

SECRET ANSWER D: REGULAR SWEATPANTS!

EVERYBODY LOSES!

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 10 - There's a Pattern Here

Challenge: Create a garment using a textile print of your own design

KORSimile: "It looks like she has sleeping eyes on her boobs."

Heidi: "With her boobs being the eyes?"

KORS: "Yeah, she's got sad eyes and a looong nose."

In Reference To: Andy's blouse

That's a good one. I agree-- it does look like sad eyes with a long nose. In fact, sad eyes with a long nose who lives next door to a pineapple under the sea...

"Abhorrent and sallow and bulbous is he!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 3 - Bright Lights, Big City

GRATUITOUS TIM GUNN FOR YOU!

You're Welcome.

Season 5, Episode 1 - Let's Start from the Beginning (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only supplies from the grocery store Gristedes

KORSimile: "When she turned the corner, I was like 'Oh, it's the wrestling challenge.' It's like she has an old diaper pushed between her legs."

In Reference To: Blayne's onesie

Blayne. Ok. When someone compares your look to something that is filled with baby poop, it's time to think of a new direction.

This is the face that MK made in response to Blayne's look.

I couldn't quite get a screenshot of the subsequent projectile vomiting.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 3 - It's a Party (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only materials from a party-supply store.

KORSimile: "It's like you said, 'I'm gonna make these damn palm trees work!'"

In Reference To: Sarah's sad cardboard dress

At first I thought this designer reminded me of Gwen Stefani. Now, I LOVE Gwen Stefani. Honestly, I really, really love her. She is fabulous and the human being I aspire to become (meaning, I will probably steal her identity). After she got tricked by Gretchen into spray painting these flaccid cardboard shapes teal, though, I was pissed. Ain't no way Gwen Stefani would take advice from ol' squareface Wretchen.

Otherwise, I can't believe that MK even thought of a KORSimile for this. This is unworthy of his wit. If I were him, and I often wish I were so that I would have an excuse to wear the same exact outfit every single day, I would have just said "You suck. Get the fuck out."

That said, I will ALWAYS come out against making palm trees work.

SAY NO TO PALM TREE SLAVERY. I HAVE ISSUED THIS TREEMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION AND I CANNOT RETRACT IT.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 6 - You Can Totally Wear That Again!

Challenge: Create a new garment using horrible bridesmaids dresses

KORSimile: "You're trying to make her look like she's at the church bring-a-pot dinner...she's got an avocado goiter!"

In Reference To: Peach's dress

A few things:

1. "Avocado Goiter" would be a great name for a band.

2. We really loved Peach. First, she's adorable. Second, she's an old white lady named Peach. Peach! Like Princess Peach! Is this what Princess Peach grows up to be? If so, I think that an older Mario would be LUCKY to have this to hit when he's 50 (since the game was developed in 1983, Mario is probably that age or older. So, DAAAAAAAMN)

3. What is with the old-people humor, Michael? It's all about youth in this business. You can't spend all the episodes talking about bunions and lumbagos and expect your audience to realize that all you mean to say is "this is not one of my favorite colors."

4. Have you ever seen a goiter? We just googled "goiters" for the purpose of this post. We'll let you do the same. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Did you do it? No? Well, here's an example of what you'll turn up if you do:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins

Challenge: Make a new garment from a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.

KORSimile: "She's like a mother-of-the-bride who's a belly dancer. She's a sexaholic but she's conservative. I don't know who she is. She's a pole dancer in Dubai."

In Reference To: Casanova's "dress"

So it's 3am and I'm pretty drunk right now, so I'm going to start by saying this: Ok, Michael. You can stop clutching your pearls. Until we see a nip or an asscheek, we'll just go with "ugly."

And another thing. My brother is getting married this fall, and if my mother or his fiancee's mother wears something like this, I will expire. Honest to goodness, I will just give up and torch the fuckin' place, because, as much as I love my mommy, SHE CANNOT PULL THIS OFF. Fuck, this PROFESSIONAL MODEL cannot pull this off. If an eight foot tall, 94 pound model looks like she's had a few children and a few subsequent chimichangas when wearing this dress, my almost 60 year old mother who actually HAS had four kids has no chance.

"Next up, we have Brenda-- she's a sassy brunette who enjoys crocheting and caring for her begonias. Get out your dollar bills, gentlemen-- this one's got a sassy streak that she's been saving for the PTA meeting but you just might see it tonight!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 1 - Let's Start from the Beginning

Challenge: Create a garment from materials found in a grocery store.

KORSimile: "She turned the corner and I was like, what is she, a bridal nurse? It's freaky!...And then the dress underneath is like a Handi-Wipe gone wrong...It looks like something you would wear in a slasher movie-- like something you would wear if you were killing someone!"

In Reference To: Jerry's Raincoat

Holy shit, dude. No, really-- what the fuck is this shit? What in the world were you thinking? Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. You know this is Project Runway, right? It's not Scare the Bajeebus out of Everyone so that We All Think You're Probably That Dude From Saw.

What's so scary about this is that IT IS TOTALLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR IF YOU WERE KILLING SOMEONE. It's sanitary, it's disposable, the blood would slide right off. Example: Here is a shot from the show Dexter, which is about a guy who kills people (I've actually never seen the show so I just assume that is the extent of the plot).

Here is an artistic rendering of Jerry's garment.

And here is what would happen if anybody had any sense at all.

MK: "Ahhhhh!" (all girly like)

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Disco Fever!

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins

Challenge: Make a new garment from a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco apron!"

Bonus Heidi: "It is butt ugly."

In reference to: Mykael's shirt-dress

No, this dress was not the best. The styling was also really horrendous, as Nina lamented. However, the real issue with this situation is that THIS WOMAN HAS DREADLOCKS. ALL OVER HER HEAD. WHY IS NO ONE SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?!

Season 6, Episode 7 - The Sky is the Limit

Challenge: Create a holiday look for the Macy's INC line incorporating shades of blue.

KORSimile: "I get this teal disco pumpkin."

In Reference To: Jonathan's look
Mike and Caity actually think that's a pretty apropos simile. The more you look at it, the more it actually does look like a pumpkin. Maybe not a disco pumpkin, though-- maybe like a teal colonial pumpkin? Or a teal pumpkin at Red Lobster? Whatever it is, though, the pumpkinness of this look is exacerbated by this model's stem-lookin' head. Dammit, models! Why your heads always lookin' like stems??

Season 6, Episode 1 - Welcome to Los Angeles

Challenge: Create a Red Carpet look showing innovation and your point of view as a designer.

KORSimile: "She looks like a disco soccer ball."

In Reference To: the...whatever the hell this is of...whoever the hell this chick is
Again, totally apropos on the hexagons begin soccer ballish. Our concern, though, is where Michael Kors got his hands on a soccer ball. Must we remind you, MK, that you are A GAY MALE FASHION DESIGNER WHO HAS NO BUSINESS ON A SOCCER FIELD?!

So. Clearly, Michael has an affinity for disco-themed similes. Now, Mike and Caity were not even zygotes when Disco was goin' on, so this representation of the aforementioned looks in a disco setting might not be wholly realistic.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

What do YOU think these look like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 6, Episode 7 - The Sky is the Limit

Challenge: Create a holiday look for the Macy's INC Line incorporating shades of blue.
KORSimile: "This truly looks like a bridesmaid's dress with a shower loofah ruched up the front of it!"
Introducing Literal Shower Fantasy by the designers of Project Runway! Both high-fashion and useful in many ways, this new collection will make you the hit of any party that involves soap!

Did your sophisticated soiree turn into an impromptu car wash? You'll be prepared to raise money for the 7th grade field trip in style!

Inspired by the original design seen above, you'll steal the spotlight from the bride-- and she'll thank you for it, because people have been staring at her abnormally tiny head all day!

Seriously, look how small that chick's head is.

Get your Literal Shower Fantasy fashions today! Find them at any garage sale for the clinically insane.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 4 - Rings of Glory

Challenge: Create a look for the US Olympic Team to wear during the opening ceremonies.

KORSimile: “I don’t know where she’s from. She’s from the Republic of Cocktail-land…If her sport is drinking, it’s a good dress.”

In Reference To: Daniel's Dress

O Cocktail-land! Our homely drunken man!

True ugliness in your buttons command.

With shiny-ness and red piping

The True Fug has no fear!

From far and wide,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

God keep this dress away from me,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer--

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

The Great Flag of Cocktail-land, complete with the sacred Vomit Stain

Michael tries to see from every angle how Daniel could think this has anything to do with the Olympics. Does Daniel not know that the Olympics is about sports? I mean, really, it's not like the challenge was for him to COMPETE in the Olympics. Just make pants, guys. Just make pants.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!