Season 8, Episode 3 - It's a Party (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using materials from a party supply store.
Target: AJ's Dress
KORSimile: "It looks like a pinata exploded."
Yikes. I mean, pinatas aren't usually this vulgar. Meaning, happy Mexican party toys that you beat with a stick usually don't have beaded pubic areas.

This is Michael's face upon reading my commentary and taking a very different interpretation of beating happy Mexican things with sticks.
I love doing this blog because it lets me do google image searches of stuff that only rarely turns up bare titties. For example, when I searched for "exploding pinata," I got the following images:

A uterus pinata for a "Thank God I'm Not Pregnant" party:

This lovely lady:

This moustachioed young lad:

And a Samoa:

As fun as that was, however, I'm now afraid that my picture is going to turn up when some other weirdo with a blog searches for "mustachioed transvestite eating girlscout cookies at a lesbian feminist party."

Season 8, Episode 8 - A Rough Day on the Runway (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a sportswear outfit inspired by Jackie O.
Target: Michael D.'s look
KORSimile: "This is schizophrenic Jackie Kennedy. She's an old lady on top, and she's a cheerleading ice skater on bottom...in a mall."
That's quite a list of personalities for Sybil Kennedy there, MK. So intriguing a list, in fact, that alien Audrey Hepburn over there is considering laying her eggs in the marsupial-type pouch that hangs around the crotchal area of Michael D.'s poor model there. If I had a choice, though, I would choose to hang out with the old lady ice-skating cheerleader at the mall rather than do most things. That sounds like a stone-cold hoot.

Now, you have to appreciate this rendering, because it actually took me a ridiculously long time. AND I did it at work. So that counts double.

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a new garment out of a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.
Target: Ivy's Blouse
KORSimile: "It looks like it went through a paper shredder."
We have a couple of things to say about this shirt, Ivy, and how stupid Ivy is.

First of all, this shirt doesn't really look like it went through a paper shredder since it is still all in once piece. THIS shirt looks like it went through a paper shredder:

Second of all, Ivy's English is just as tattered as her design. In a later episode, she said (and this is a direct quote) "I was inspired by triangles and squares, because shapes are timeless." We're going to let that sink in for a second. Now, are YOU inspired by this?
How about THIS?

Really? You're not? That's so weird! I can't imagine why you wouldn't be inspired to create a unique piece of couture by those images. I mean, I suppose I could venture a guess-- maybe it's because THEY ARE A FUCKING TRIANGLE AND A FUCKING SQUARE. If she had said that on the runway, I'm sure that Michael would have thrown his chair at her. Heidi would have been like "Even my English isn't that bad, you fucking retard." Nina would have just laughed at her, because I have a feeling that Nina is the smartest of the whole bunch.

Season 4, Episode 8 - On Garde!

Challenge: Create an avant garde garment (and a ready-to-wear accompanying piece) inspired by your model's hairstyle.

Target: Rami and Sweet Pea's Pants

KORSimile: "It looks like her ass is on backwards."

I loved Sweet Pea. She was Peach's predecessor, but with sleeve tattoos and a dirty mouth. Now, there's something you need to know about me-- I fucking hate pants. I HATE PANTS. I don't wear them. Anyone who knows me would not be able to tell you a time they have seen me wearing pants. So, it's really not a stretch to say that these pants suck. But I had a fond feeling when I saw these, because it reminded me of this moment:

"All Hail President Skroob!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 9, Episode 2 - My Pet Project (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using supplies from a pet store.

Target: Josh M.'s styling

KORSimile: "She looks like Sea Vixen Barbie."

Hey, I think I actually had Sea Vixen Barbie. It was confusing, though, because "vixen" can mean both "sexually attractive woman" (probably inappropriate for a child's toy, but let's not pull punches-- you'd fuck Barbie if you had a chance, plastic or not) and "a shrewish, ill-tempered woman." (It can also mean "female fox" but that's just opening a can of worms). So, this doll was a smokin' hot lady who bitched all the time. It wasn't the most fun playtime, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Bitch, get off my fins."

The funniest part of this episode, though, was at the end when the judges were arguing over which look was best, and Heidi and Nina were really getting into it-- seriously, the accents were nuts, and words were being pronounced all funny and smoke was coming out of Nina's ears-- and it was a replay of last season's finale when they couldn't agree that Mondo is OBVIOUSLY THE BEST and Gretchen is a horrible wench.

So MK is sitting in the middle of all of this, and he goes "It's getting hot. I'm going through Man-opause."

What clever wordplay. As usual.

Why that man is not yet president is beyond me.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 9, Episode 2 - My Pet Project

Challenge: Make a garment using supplies from a pet store.

Target: Fallene's dress made from a dog pillow and aquarium flotsam

KORSimile: "She looks like she's at an Autumn Harvest festival. She's Miss Pumpkin! You gotta have candy corn teeth to wear that dress."

I hate it when people do this on this show. They ALWAYS have the unconventional challenge and they reward people who make kooky-ass shit. This dress is not kooky. It's just shit. The point is that you either make something totally wackadoodle that looks like art or you make something unbelievably adorable but normal using crazy shit.

Ok, I can understand how this can be a difficult challenge. I could never, NEVER make a dress out of hamster bedding and leashes. Really, the only thing I could make from hamster bedding is something for a hamster to shit in and pile in corners in its cage. But this show has been doing this for 8 WHOLE SEASONS NOW. Don't these people ever LEARN?!

So, let's consider this KORSimile. This is Miss Pumpkin. I have to say, her couture is far more fabulous than Fallene's bullshit dress.

Is her dress stained with pumpkin blood?

And now let's explore if this dress would really look better with candy corn teeth:

Nope. Still doesn't work.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 9, Episode 1 - Come as you Are (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment out of your pajamas.

Target: Julie's pants

KORSimile: "It's a little 'I Like Myself' pocket! Like, 'Hiiiii!'"

The best part was the "Hiiii!" which Heidi clearly thought was hilarious.
While Julie's outfit was just kind of bleh, I think MK is onto something-- the I Like Myself Pocket! For pleasuring yourself on the go!

Have you ever found yourself waiting in a long line at the checkout counter? Or sitting in a boring meeting? Whipping it out would alienate others and most likely get you arrested. What can you do?

Introducing-- the I Like Myself Pocket! A somewhat surreptitious outlet for your latent sexual frustrations! Just slip in a hand and let your mind go back to that time that hobo brushed up against you on the bus. Mmmm, mmm.

Pick up the I Like Myself Pocket in stores today! Now in children's sizes!!

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 9, Episode 1 - Come as you Are

Challenge: Create a garment out of your pajamas.

Target: Rafael's look using his pjs and his headscarf

KORSimile: "It's like she's wearing a Flinstones disco patch...Like she went out and had a little too much to eat and had to unbutton her shirt."

MICHAEL KORS. ENOUGH WITH THE DISCO. WE GET IT. DISCO THINGS ARE BAD AND ARE NOT FASHION. OK!

On another note, what the hell is a "disco patch"? Is that something like an Afro Pik that you only understand if you've used one? From the looks of it, a Flinstones Disco Patch is something you wear to a prehistoric 70's party (a 70's prehistoric party?) when you don't want Andy Warhol's spittle to land in your cleavage? Or maybe it's an emblem of all of the hairy brutes you slept with at Studio 54-- something you should be proud of, like a nasty Girl Scout badge.

That aside, can someone say "camel toe"?

"Camel Toe." There, I said it.

Bonus Heidi: "What grown-up wants to wear a bib?"

Oh, I can think of one...

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!