Season 9, Episode 6 - The Art of the Matter (Part 3)

Challenge: It's the art one! I've already talked about it twice. GOD

Target: Oliver's Dress

KORSimile: "His clothes are valium clothes-- they make you want to fall asleep."

Hmm. Usually boring clothes don't come with a See-You-Next-Tuesday-high slit, but MK has been in the fashion world far longer than I. Thus, I shall defer to His Froofiness.

Anyway, this might be yet another thing I feel like I should have heard of before-- "Valium Clothes." Now, are these types of garments more literal-



"And I'll have a grande 'I'm a total slut who wears idiotic t-shirts with sayings nobody ever said on them' macchiato. You know, make it a Venti."

Or are we talking about clothes that have the effects of valium on you? I have a feeling it might the latter since MK is so bored to tears with Oliver's dress. So maybe it's more like this product: 

 which you put on your dog and it vibrates to calm your dog's doggy neuroses. I hope it's like that, because the idea of this "ThunderShirt" makes me want to laugh at and cry for this poor dog all at the same time. I mean, what kind of stress are you putting your dog under that he needs this massage-y shirt in order to not piss on the floor at all hours of the day? Is your dog studying for the LSATs or something? Does your dog have a big presentation at the office coming up and if he doesn't knock it out the park Mr. Terwilliger will demote him to Mailroom Dog? Is your dog being sued because that cunt cat next door found out about the prostitution ring and is blackmailing him by threatening to go to the press with the information if he doesn't provide an unmarked bag of kibbles under a specified tree at 3am on Saturday? Because those are the only reasons I can think of that someone would need this insane thing.



Season 9, Episode 5 - Off the Track

Challenge: In a team, create three looks to go with Heidi's line of New Balance Sneakers (which is ridiculous in its own right, but we'll get to that some other day)

Target: Danielle's shirty-blouse thingum

KORSimile: "It's like a souffle that flopped."

When he first said that, I was like "Uh, what?" I really wanted him to go on more of a flaccid penis route so I was monumentally disappointed when he didn't point at his crotch as he is so prone to do on this show. But then I looked up a picture of a flopped souffle (or, actually, a fallen souffle because anyone who has watched as much Food Network as I have knows that souffles don't do what suffocating fish do)...

And look at that! Especially the part at the top where the edge of the souffle looks like the little floppy foldy thing on the blouse! Now this souffle thing just has to be green and we would have ourselves an out-and-out doppelganger.

More importantly, though, is that this KORSimile got me thinking about the boat that Bravo missed out on when it lost Prunway to Lifetime. It could have made a crossover between its two best shows that have occupied more time than I anticipate spending on raising my children in the future-- Prunway and Top Chef!

Obviously the judges would be Tom and Tim because they're the best ones.

Missed the boat, Bravo. Missed. The. Boat.

Season 9, Episode 4 - All About Nina

Challenge: Create a day-to-night look for Nina Garcia
Target: Danielle's blouse and pants
KORSimile: "This green blouse...you'd have to wear it to Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party."

So did you know that Joan Crawford and Joan Collins are NOT, in fact, the same person? Because that's news to me. If my mom were reading this she would be all "oh you're so young! I'm so old! I'm a terrible mother!" and I'd be all "MOM. ENOUGH. Now make me more chili."

Anyway, this shit is boring. No, it's worse than boring-- it looks like something you could easily find at *vomits* TALBOT'S. Ask Anita how much I hate Talbot's and she'll tell you that I have to look away whenever we pass it in the mall because their brand of un-trendy, bland kindergarten teacher clothes makes me sick to my stomach. And that's what this looks like! Can't you just imagine this girl saying "Good morning, children! My name is Miss Anne and I forgo sex in favor of making lesson plans for a bunch of nose-picking assholes!" (If it wasn't obvious, I also hate children).

What I do NOT see is this girl at a party, let alone Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party, which I would assume would be a stone cold hoot complete with cocktails, heavily penciled eyebrows, and abuse.

"No more wire hangers ever! Also, TIME FOR JAEGERBOMBSSSSS"

Now, with that out of the way, it's time for what seems to be an increasingly common topic of these posts: Transvestites that are somewhat related to the KORSimile! In this case, it's a lovely tranny Joan Crawford in a striking emerald gown, the kind appropriate for a super gay St. Patty's Day party.

Cheers, Boy-o!