Season 7, Episode 7 - Hard Wear

Challenge: Create a look using materials from a hardware store.

Target: Jesse's Dress

KORSimile: "Tin Man-Hershey Kiss-Ballerina-Garbage-Newspaper-Vacuum Bag. DIRTY Vacuum Bag! These are fabulous fashion references.”

First of all, Yowza.

Second of all, I really didn't think this was that bad. When she walked down the runway, I remember thinking "That's going to be in the top." That's one of the things that always bugs me about Prunway-- the judges can be really unpredictable sometimes. Some episodes they love the conventional stuff that's just a pretty dress you could probably find at Wet Seal (or Forever 21). Other episodes they dole out the ass licking to the people who make this dumbass conceptual shit that no one, including a down-on-her-luck, starving-but-not-on-purpose model, would wear. Now, I'm pretty certain that MK is bipolar (or at least just tantrum-y), but I really expect more from Nina and Her Holy Titsface, Heidi.

However, when I put together the literal translation of this KORSimile, the result was actually kind of close to the design and I felt bad for calling MK a bipolar toddler.

We're off to see The Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Crack Cocaine!

Third of all, in the course of constructing the above monstrosity, I found that vacuums DO NOT COME WITH BAGS ANYMORE. Seriously, they all have these windtunnels and robot organism and whatnot that just make the dust vanish into thin air (or become what is left over in a bag of Cheerios after all the O's are eaten). That makes me feel old because I definitely remember vacuum bags. This is worse than when they gave Chuckie an Asian little sister on Rugrats.

Season 9, Episode 5 - Off the Track

Challenge: In a team, create three looks to go with Heidi's line of New Balance Sneakers (which is ridiculous in its own right, but we'll get to that some other day)

Target: Danielle's shirty-blouse thingum

KORSimile: "It's like a souffle that flopped."

When he first said that, I was like "Uh, what?" I really wanted him to go on more of a flaccid penis route so I was monumentally disappointed when he didn't point at his crotch as he is so prone to do on this show. But then I looked up a picture of a flopped souffle (or, actually, a fallen souffle because anyone who has watched as much Food Network as I have knows that souffles don't do what suffocating fish do)...

And look at that! Especially the part at the top where the edge of the souffle looks like the little floppy foldy thing on the blouse! Now this souffle thing just has to be green and we would have ourselves an out-and-out doppelganger.

More importantly, though, is that this KORSimile got me thinking about the boat that Bravo missed out on when it lost Prunway to Lifetime. It could have made a crossover between its two best shows that have occupied more time than I anticipate spending on raising my children in the future-- Prunway and Top Chef!

Obviously the judges would be Tom and Tim because they're the best ones.

Missed the boat, Bravo. Missed. The. Boat.

Season 9, Episode 4 - All About Nina

Challenge: Create a day-to-night look for Nina Garcia
Target: Danielle's blouse and pants
KORSimile: "This green blouse...you'd have to wear it to Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party."

So did you know that Joan Crawford and Joan Collins are NOT, in fact, the same person? Because that's news to me. If my mom were reading this she would be all "oh you're so young! I'm so old! I'm a terrible mother!" and I'd be all "MOM. ENOUGH. Now make me more chili."

Anyway, this shit is boring. No, it's worse than boring-- it looks like something you could easily find at *vomits* TALBOT'S. Ask Anita how much I hate Talbot's and she'll tell you that I have to look away whenever we pass it in the mall because their brand of un-trendy, bland kindergarten teacher clothes makes me sick to my stomach. And that's what this looks like! Can't you just imagine this girl saying "Good morning, children! My name is Miss Anne and I forgo sex in favor of making lesson plans for a bunch of nose-picking assholes!" (If it wasn't obvious, I also hate children).

What I do NOT see is this girl at a party, let alone Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party, which I would assume would be a stone cold hoot complete with cocktails, heavily penciled eyebrows, and abuse.

"No more wire hangers ever! Also, TIME FOR JAEGERBOMBSSSSS"

Now, with that out of the way, it's time for what seems to be an increasingly common topic of these posts: Transvestites that are somewhat related to the KORSimile! In this case, it's a lovely tranny Joan Crawford in a striking emerald gown, the kind appropriate for a super gay St. Patty's Day party.

Cheers, Boy-o!

Season 8, Episode 8 - A Rough Day on the Runway (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a sportswear outfit inspired by Jackie O.
Target: Michael D.'s look
KORSimile: "This is schizophrenic Jackie Kennedy. She's an old lady on top, and she's a cheerleading ice skater on bottom...in a mall."
That's quite a list of personalities for Sybil Kennedy there, MK. So intriguing a list, in fact, that alien Audrey Hepburn over there is considering laying her eggs in the marsupial-type pouch that hangs around the crotchal area of Michael D.'s poor model there. If I had a choice, though, I would choose to hang out with the old lady ice-skating cheerleader at the mall rather than do most things. That sounds like a stone-cold hoot.

Now, you have to appreciate this rendering, because it actually took me a ridiculously long time. AND I did it at work. So that counts double.

Season 8, Episode 11 - A Look in the Line

Challenge: Create three looks to compliment Heidi's active-wear line.

Now, it's time to play--

NAME!

THAT!

KORSIMILE!

Does this mini-collection look like:

A. "A big bowl of sawdust."

B. "Sadness personified. This isn't a happy face dress, this is a sad face dress."
C. "A pajama party in a retirement home."
The correct answer is:

SECRET ANSWER D: REGULAR SWEATPANTS!

EVERYBODY LOSES!

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 3 - It's a Party (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only materials from a party-supply store.

KORSimile: "It's like you said, 'I'm gonna make these damn palm trees work!'"

In Reference To: Sarah's sad cardboard dress

At first I thought this designer reminded me of Gwen Stefani. Now, I LOVE Gwen Stefani. Honestly, I really, really love her. She is fabulous and the human being I aspire to become (meaning, I will probably steal her identity). After she got tricked by Gretchen into spray painting these flaccid cardboard shapes teal, though, I was pissed. Ain't no way Gwen Stefani would take advice from ol' squareface Wretchen.

Otherwise, I can't believe that MK even thought of a KORSimile for this. This is unworthy of his wit. If I were him, and I often wish I were so that I would have an excuse to wear the same exact outfit every single day, I would have just said "You suck. Get the fuck out."

That said, I will ALWAYS come out against making palm trees work.

SAY NO TO PALM TREE SLAVERY. I HAVE ISSUED THIS TREEMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION AND I CANNOT RETRACT IT.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!