Season 7, Episode 6 - A Little Bit of Fashion

Challenge: Create a fashionable children's look and an accompanying adult piece.

Target: Oh my god I don't remember this guy's name, some other rando gay dude

KORSimile: "She literally looks like she got caught in a tornado of toilet paper... The Conceptual Toilet Paper Twins."   

 I knew this looked familiar! I saw it in theaters in 1988!

Sleepy MK

MK has clearly been bored to death by whoever the useless guest judge is. Ugh, guest judges. Stop pretending you have things to say! No one cares what you think! The contestants are only pretending to be cowed by your greatness so that after they get kicked off this ridiculous show they can try to get a job with you at Macy's (which is, inevitably, where 90% of the guest judges are selling cheap-o collections at the time of airing).

So, actually, the guest judge for this was Tory Burch, whom Heidi introduced as being "very popular with grown women and little girls." Yeah, Tory Burch, the bitch who slaps This Thing:

on a piece of carboard shaped like a shoe and has the audacity to charge a trillion gazillion big ones for it. You show me the little girl that owns a $300 pair of Tory Burch flats, where the only special thing about them is THAT STUPID GIANT PILGRIM-LOOKING BUCKLE THING, and I will show you her socialite mother who has already passed out from her third glass of Pilates Wine and has not noticed that her daughter has peed in the pool once again. That's not "popularity" with little girls. Little girls like pink things and discovering that special feeling you get when you rub up against a table. Tory Burch shit? Not so much.

Season 9, Episode 6 - The Art of the Matter (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a look inspired by a piece of art created in collaboration with a student from the Harlem School for the Arts.

Target: Josh C.'s Thing that Makes this Model Look Even Worse

KORSimile: "She looks like a Victorian cocktail waitress in Vegas!"

For once, I'm not going to analyze the KORSimile. Instead, I'm going to talk about the Bonus Heidi.

Bonus Heidi: "The first thing I thought was, 'I'm gonna be a hooker for Halloween!"

Yeah, Heidi. YOU AND THE REST OF THE FUCKING FEMALES IN THE UNIVERSE.

Trick or Treat! I'll give you a hint-- the treat is crabs!

On that note, I have figured out what I'm going as for Halloween:

Come search in my caves, baby.

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a new garment out of a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.
Target: Ivy's Blouse
KORSimile: "It looks like it went through a paper shredder."
We have a couple of things to say about this shirt, Ivy, and how stupid Ivy is.

First of all, this shirt doesn't really look like it went through a paper shredder since it is still all in once piece. THIS shirt looks like it went through a paper shredder:

Second of all, Ivy's English is just as tattered as her design. In a later episode, she said (and this is a direct quote) "I was inspired by triangles and squares, because shapes are timeless." We're going to let that sink in for a second. Now, are YOU inspired by this?
How about THIS?

Really? You're not? That's so weird! I can't imagine why you wouldn't be inspired to create a unique piece of couture by those images. I mean, I suppose I could venture a guess-- maybe it's because THEY ARE A FUCKING TRIANGLE AND A FUCKING SQUARE. If she had said that on the runway, I'm sure that Michael would have thrown his chair at her. Heidi would have been like "Even my English isn't that bad, you fucking retard." Nina would have just laughed at her, because I have a feeling that Nina is the smartest of the whole bunch.

Season 4, Episode 8 - On Garde!

Challenge: Create an avant garde garment (and a ready-to-wear accompanying piece) inspired by your model's hairstyle.

Target: Rami and Sweet Pea's Pants

KORSimile: "It looks like her ass is on backwards."

I loved Sweet Pea. She was Peach's predecessor, but with sleeve tattoos and a dirty mouth. Now, there's something you need to know about me-- I fucking hate pants. I HATE PANTS. I don't wear them. Anyone who knows me would not be able to tell you a time they have seen me wearing pants. So, it's really not a stretch to say that these pants suck. But I had a fond feeling when I saw these, because it reminded me of this moment:

"All Hail President Skroob!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 9, Episode 2 - My Pet Project

Challenge: Make a garment using supplies from a pet store.

Target: Fallene's dress made from a dog pillow and aquarium flotsam

KORSimile: "She looks like she's at an Autumn Harvest festival. She's Miss Pumpkin! You gotta have candy corn teeth to wear that dress."

I hate it when people do this on this show. They ALWAYS have the unconventional challenge and they reward people who make kooky-ass shit. This dress is not kooky. It's just shit. The point is that you either make something totally wackadoodle that looks like art or you make something unbelievably adorable but normal using crazy shit.

Ok, I can understand how this can be a difficult challenge. I could never, NEVER make a dress out of hamster bedding and leashes. Really, the only thing I could make from hamster bedding is something for a hamster to shit in and pile in corners in its cage. But this show has been doing this for 8 WHOLE SEASONS NOW. Don't these people ever LEARN?!

So, let's consider this KORSimile. This is Miss Pumpkin. I have to say, her couture is far more fabulous than Fallene's bullshit dress.

Is her dress stained with pumpkin blood?

And now let's explore if this dress would really look better with candy corn teeth:

Nope. Still doesn't work.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 10 - There's a Pattern Here

Challenge: Create a garment using a textile print of your own design

KORSimile: "It looks like she has sleeping eyes on her boobs."

Heidi: "With her boobs being the eyes?"

KORS: "Yeah, she's got sad eyes and a looong nose."

In Reference To: Andy's blouse

That's a good one. I agree-- it does look like sad eyes with a long nose. In fact, sad eyes with a long nose who lives next door to a pineapple under the sea...

"Abhorrent and sallow and bulbous is he!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 3 - It's a Party (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only materials from a party-supply store.

KORSimile: "It's like you said, 'I'm gonna make these damn palm trees work!'"

In Reference To: Sarah's sad cardboard dress

At first I thought this designer reminded me of Gwen Stefani. Now, I LOVE Gwen Stefani. Honestly, I really, really love her. She is fabulous and the human being I aspire to become (meaning, I will probably steal her identity). After she got tricked by Gretchen into spray painting these flaccid cardboard shapes teal, though, I was pissed. Ain't no way Gwen Stefani would take advice from ol' squareface Wretchen.

Otherwise, I can't believe that MK even thought of a KORSimile for this. This is unworthy of his wit. If I were him, and I often wish I were so that I would have an excuse to wear the same exact outfit every single day, I would have just said "You suck. Get the fuck out."

That said, I will ALWAYS come out against making palm trees work.

SAY NO TO PALM TREE SLAVERY. I HAVE ISSUED THIS TREEMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION AND I CANNOT RETRACT IT.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 6 - You Can Totally Wear That Again!

Challenge: Create a new garment using horrible bridesmaids dresses

KORSimile: "You're trying to make her look like she's at the church bring-a-pot dinner...she's got an avocado goiter!"

In Reference To: Peach's dress

A few things:

1. "Avocado Goiter" would be a great name for a band.

2. We really loved Peach. First, she's adorable. Second, she's an old white lady named Peach. Peach! Like Princess Peach! Is this what Princess Peach grows up to be? If so, I think that an older Mario would be LUCKY to have this to hit when he's 50 (since the game was developed in 1983, Mario is probably that age or older. So, DAAAAAAAMN)

3. What is with the old-people humor, Michael? It's all about youth in this business. You can't spend all the episodes talking about bunions and lumbagos and expect your audience to realize that all you mean to say is "this is not one of my favorite colors."

4. Have you ever seen a goiter? We just googled "goiters" for the purpose of this post. We'll let you do the same. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Did you do it? No? Well, here's an example of what you'll turn up if you do:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins

Challenge: Make a new garment from a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.

KORSimile: "She's like a mother-of-the-bride who's a belly dancer. She's a sexaholic but she's conservative. I don't know who she is. She's a pole dancer in Dubai."

In Reference To: Casanova's "dress"

So it's 3am and I'm pretty drunk right now, so I'm going to start by saying this: Ok, Michael. You can stop clutching your pearls. Until we see a nip or an asscheek, we'll just go with "ugly."

And another thing. My brother is getting married this fall, and if my mother or his fiancee's mother wears something like this, I will expire. Honest to goodness, I will just give up and torch the fuckin' place, because, as much as I love my mommy, SHE CANNOT PULL THIS OFF. Fuck, this PROFESSIONAL MODEL cannot pull this off. If an eight foot tall, 94 pound model looks like she's had a few children and a few subsequent chimichangas when wearing this dress, my almost 60 year old mother who actually HAS had four kids has no chance.

"Next up, we have Brenda-- she's a sassy brunette who enjoys crocheting and caring for her begonias. Get out your dollar bills, gentlemen-- this one's got a sassy streak that she's been saving for the PTA meeting but you just might see it tonight!"

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 1 - Let's Start from the Beginning

Challenge: Create a garment from materials found in a grocery store.

KORSimile: "She turned the corner and I was like, what is she, a bridal nurse? It's freaky!...And then the dress underneath is like a Handi-Wipe gone wrong...It looks like something you would wear in a slasher movie-- like something you would wear if you were killing someone!"

In Reference To: Jerry's Raincoat

Holy shit, dude. No, really-- what the fuck is this shit? What in the world were you thinking? Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. You know this is Project Runway, right? It's not Scare the Bajeebus out of Everyone so that We All Think You're Probably That Dude From Saw.

What's so scary about this is that IT IS TOTALLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR IF YOU WERE KILLING SOMEONE. It's sanitary, it's disposable, the blood would slide right off. Example: Here is a shot from the show Dexter, which is about a guy who kills people (I've actually never seen the show so I just assume that is the extent of the plot).

Here is an artistic rendering of Jerry's garment.

And here is what would happen if anybody had any sense at all.

MK: "Ahhhhh!" (all girly like)

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 6, Episode 7 - The Sky is the Limit

Challenge: Create a holiday look for the Macy's INC Line incorporating shades of blue.
KORSimile: "This truly looks like a bridesmaid's dress with a shower loofah ruched up the front of it!"
Introducing Literal Shower Fantasy by the designers of Project Runway! Both high-fashion and useful in many ways, this new collection will make you the hit of any party that involves soap!

Did your sophisticated soiree turn into an impromptu car wash? You'll be prepared to raise money for the 7th grade field trip in style!

Inspired by the original design seen above, you'll steal the spotlight from the bride-- and she'll thank you for it, because people have been staring at her abnormally tiny head all day!

Seriously, look how small that chick's head is.

Get your Literal Shower Fantasy fashions today! Find them at any garage sale for the clinically insane.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 8 - A Rough Day on the Runway

Challenge: Create a sportswear outfit inspired by Jackie O.
Simile: "MC Hammer meets the Beverly Hillbillies grandmother...and then the ankle boot, come on. It's like she's making soap or something."
The soap-making part is really quite an astute observation. As Midwesterners, Mike and Caity have visited Greenfield Village many a time, and were treated to very graphic reenactments of Ye Olde Timey Housewifery, which OF COURSE included soap making. Why MK chose to point out the soap-making over the candle-dipping, butter-churning, and chillen-rearing will remain a mystery. That said, these boots do a somewhat acceptable job of distracting from what are the second-most jowly pants I have ever seen.

Can't touch this.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 2 - Larger than Life

Challenge: Make a garment that epitomizes the Marie Claire woman to be shown on a billboard in Times Square.

KORSimile: “At night she would feel like she was wearing a satin bedspread, for day everyone in the office would say, ‘is that a walk of shame dress?’”

In Reference To: Jason's "Infinity Dress"

This is Jason trying to explain the "versatility" of his "infinity" "dress."

This is Michael's face as he listens to Jason's bullshit.

Mike and Caity were not so reserved in expressing their displeasure.