Season 7, Episode 7 - Hard Wear

Challenge: Create a look using materials from a hardware store.

Target: Jesse's Dress

KORSimile: "Tin Man-Hershey Kiss-Ballerina-Garbage-Newspaper-Vacuum Bag. DIRTY Vacuum Bag! These are fabulous fashion references.”

First of all, Yowza.

Second of all, I really didn't think this was that bad. When she walked down the runway, I remember thinking "That's going to be in the top." That's one of the things that always bugs me about Prunway-- the judges can be really unpredictable sometimes. Some episodes they love the conventional stuff that's just a pretty dress you could probably find at Wet Seal (or Forever 21). Other episodes they dole out the ass licking to the people who make this dumbass conceptual shit that no one, including a down-on-her-luck, starving-but-not-on-purpose model, would wear. Now, I'm pretty certain that MK is bipolar (or at least just tantrum-y), but I really expect more from Nina and Her Holy Titsface, Heidi.

However, when I put together the literal translation of this KORSimile, the result was actually kind of close to the design and I felt bad for calling MK a bipolar toddler.

We're off to see The Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Crack Cocaine!

Third of all, in the course of constructing the above monstrosity, I found that vacuums DO NOT COME WITH BAGS ANYMORE. Seriously, they all have these windtunnels and robot organism and whatnot that just make the dust vanish into thin air (or become what is left over in a bag of Cheerios after all the O's are eaten). That makes me feel old because I definitely remember vacuum bags. This is worse than when they gave Chuckie an Asian little sister on Rugrats.

Season 9, Episode 6 - "The Art of the Matter"

Challenge: Create an avant garde look inspired by a piece of art made by the designer and an art student from Harlem School for the Arts.

Target: Burt's Jumpsuit

KORSimiles: "It looks like something a Teletubby would wear to a party."

Holy shit. So, the judges made fun of this look for what seemed like an hour, and they were all cracking up. Seriously, Kenneth Cole was about to shit himself, he was laughing so hard.

I really liked that MK brought up the Teletubbies. In 8th grade we had to do debates, and we were in groups of three- one girl was pro-issue, one girl was anti-issue, and one gave the background. We were all assigned topics, and my friend Amy and this other girl and I were assigned to debate the merits of Teletubbies. I'm not kidding. I was pro-Teletubby, and I argues that they introduced young children to colors and shapes and the rest of the world was being too harsh on the (admittedly creepy) puppety things (in fact, I listed all the horrible torture that you could do to a Teletubby on a particular website--you could put Tinky Winky in a blender-- and I quoted the Great Jerry Falwell). Amy's argument was that the Teletubbies were totally gay.

That said, I'm not quite sure that Burt's garment would be what a Teletubby would wear to a party. I think the Teletubbies take partying WAY more seriously:

The other things that were said about this garment:

MK: "It looks like [Heidi] is about to have Baby number 5!"

Uh, I'm pretty sure Pregnant Heidi looks better than the rest of the universe when the universe just lost 50 pounds.

Zanna Roberts: "It looks like you ARE baby number 5!"

Kenneth Cole: "You know what you do with infants, you attach their mittens TO them so they don't lose them."

MK: "[the appliqued shapes] were like sponges. It's like, 'Ooh, I'm cleaning the kitchen--BEEP! Ooh, I'm cleaning the floor--BOOP!" (the "beep" and "boop" were supposed to signify the sponges becoming attached. I know what you're thinking-- when sponges spontaneously become attached to me, they don't go "BOOP!". They go "ZAAAAAANGGGG")

Heidi: "It is a little old farty-farty." (I'm going to go ahead an say that the concept of "old fart" doesn't translate that well into and back from German)

Wow. I mean, yeah, this garment was fucking ridiculous and made her ass look like Kirstie Alley's, but I'm thinking the judges may have been super high.

Season 8, Episode 8 - A Rough Day on the Runway (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a sportswear outfit inspired by Jackie O.
Target: Michael D.'s look
KORSimile: "This is schizophrenic Jackie Kennedy. She's an old lady on top, and she's a cheerleading ice skater on bottom...in a mall."
That's quite a list of personalities for Sybil Kennedy there, MK. So intriguing a list, in fact, that alien Audrey Hepburn over there is considering laying her eggs in the marsupial-type pouch that hangs around the crotchal area of Michael D.'s poor model there. If I had a choice, though, I would choose to hang out with the old lady ice-skating cheerleader at the mall rather than do most things. That sounds like a stone-cold hoot.

Now, you have to appreciate this rendering, because it actually took me a ridiculously long time. AND I did it at work. So that counts double.

Season 9, Episode 2 - My Pet Project

Challenge: Make a garment using supplies from a pet store.

Target: Fallene's dress made from a dog pillow and aquarium flotsam

KORSimile: "She looks like she's at an Autumn Harvest festival. She's Miss Pumpkin! You gotta have candy corn teeth to wear that dress."

I hate it when people do this on this show. They ALWAYS have the unconventional challenge and they reward people who make kooky-ass shit. This dress is not kooky. It's just shit. The point is that you either make something totally wackadoodle that looks like art or you make something unbelievably adorable but normal using crazy shit.

Ok, I can understand how this can be a difficult challenge. I could never, NEVER make a dress out of hamster bedding and leashes. Really, the only thing I could make from hamster bedding is something for a hamster to shit in and pile in corners in its cage. But this show has been doing this for 8 WHOLE SEASONS NOW. Don't these people ever LEARN?!

So, let's consider this KORSimile. This is Miss Pumpkin. I have to say, her couture is far more fabulous than Fallene's bullshit dress.

Is her dress stained with pumpkin blood?

And now let's explore if this dress would really look better with candy corn teeth:

Nope. Still doesn't work.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 7, Episode 10 - Hey, That's My Fabric!

Challenge: Create a look using a textile of your own design!

Target: Jonathan's backwards wrap jacket

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco straightjacket!"

"Oh, look at that. Your husband helps you back on with your straight-jacket. Sweetie, that's not a good thing."

Holy shit, MK. Enough with the disco similes! Clearly, someone misses Studio 54. I actually didn't hate this so much. Sure, the backwards jacket was a little idiotic-- I mean, just put the jacket on the regular way! Is it really that creative to take something normal and put it on backwards? Ooh, I'm going to put my shoes on the wrong feet! I'm an artiste! Ooh, I'm going to walk around like I'm a polar bear and put my pants on my head! I'M THE NEXT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN!

Don't mess with the magistrate.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 9 - What's Your Sign?

Challenge: Create an avant garde look inspired by the astrological sign of an eliminated designer.

Target: Blayne and Stella's Libra Look

KORSimile: "SHE IS POOPING FABRIC"

It looks like she ate some bad gay Mexican food! It looks like she ate chips made with Olean from Narnia! It looks like she's a super hero who propels herself with her magical alien gas!

NO. MK SAID IT BEST. SHE IS JUST POOPIN' OUT THE FABRIC.

You know what else looks like it's pooping fabric?

It's like that time my cat got into the expired Brazilian tuna.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 1 - Let's Start from the Beginning (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only supplies from the grocery store Gristedes

KORSimile: "When she turned the corner, I was like 'Oh, it's the wrestling challenge.' It's like she has an old diaper pushed between her legs."

In Reference To: Blayne's onesie

Blayne. Ok. When someone compares your look to something that is filled with baby poop, it's time to think of a new direction.

This is the face that MK made in response to Blayne's look.

I couldn't quite get a screenshot of the subsequent projectile vomiting.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 1 - Let's Start from the Beginning

Challenge: Create a garment from materials found in a grocery store.

KORSimile: "She turned the corner and I was like, what is she, a bridal nurse? It's freaky!...And then the dress underneath is like a Handi-Wipe gone wrong...It looks like something you would wear in a slasher movie-- like something you would wear if you were killing someone!"

In Reference To: Jerry's Raincoat

Holy shit, dude. No, really-- what the fuck is this shit? What in the world were you thinking? Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. You know this is Project Runway, right? It's not Scare the Bajeebus out of Everyone so that We All Think You're Probably That Dude From Saw.

What's so scary about this is that IT IS TOTALLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR IF YOU WERE KILLING SOMEONE. It's sanitary, it's disposable, the blood would slide right off. Example: Here is a shot from the show Dexter, which is about a guy who kills people (I've actually never seen the show so I just assume that is the extent of the plot).

Here is an artistic rendering of Jerry's garment.

And here is what would happen if anybody had any sense at all.

MK: "Ahhhhh!" (all girly like)

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 4 - Rings of Glory

Challenge: Create a look for the US Olympic Team to wear during the opening ceremonies.

KORSimile: “I don’t know where she’s from. She’s from the Republic of Cocktail-land…If her sport is drinking, it’s a good dress.”

In Reference To: Daniel's Dress

O Cocktail-land! Our homely drunken man!

True ugliness in your buttons command.

With shiny-ness and red piping

The True Fug has no fear!

From far and wide,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

God keep this dress away from me,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer--

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

The Great Flag of Cocktail-land, complete with the sacred Vomit Stain

Michael tries to see from every angle how Daniel could think this has anything to do with the Olympics. Does Daniel not know that the Olympics is about sports? I mean, really, it's not like the challenge was for him to COMPETE in the Olympics. Just make pants, guys. Just make pants.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 9 - Race to the Finish (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a high-fashion look and a ready-to-wear companion piece for a L'Oreal Paris photo shoot.
Simile: "I think this weird diamante hoop on her shoulder is just wacky. The only possible accessory she could use with this is a wand...

...It literally looks like 'I love YOU, and YOU, and YOU!'"

Oh, Michael! You love me?? Does that mean you've switched over?

Oh. Well, a girl can dream.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!