Season 7, Episode 6 - A Little Bit of Fashion

Challenge: Create a fashionable children's look and an accompanying adult piece.

Target: Oh my god I don't remember this guy's name, some other rando gay dude

KORSimile: "She literally looks like she got caught in a tornado of toilet paper... The Conceptual Toilet Paper Twins."   

 I knew this looked familiar! I saw it in theaters in 1988!

Sleepy MK

MK has clearly been bored to death by whoever the useless guest judge is. Ugh, guest judges. Stop pretending you have things to say! No one cares what you think! The contestants are only pretending to be cowed by your greatness so that after they get kicked off this ridiculous show they can try to get a job with you at Macy's (which is, inevitably, where 90% of the guest judges are selling cheap-o collections at the time of airing).

So, actually, the guest judge for this was Tory Burch, whom Heidi introduced as being "very popular with grown women and little girls." Yeah, Tory Burch, the bitch who slaps This Thing:

on a piece of carboard shaped like a shoe and has the audacity to charge a trillion gazillion big ones for it. You show me the little girl that owns a $300 pair of Tory Burch flats, where the only special thing about them is THAT STUPID GIANT PILGRIM-LOOKING BUCKLE THING, and I will show you her socialite mother who has already passed out from her third glass of Pilates Wine and has not noticed that her daughter has peed in the pool once again. That's not "popularity" with little girls. Little girls like pink things and discovering that special feeling you get when you rub up against a table. Tory Burch shit? Not so much.

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a new garment out of a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.
Target: Ivy's Blouse
KORSimile: "It looks like it went through a paper shredder."
We have a couple of things to say about this shirt, Ivy, and how stupid Ivy is.

First of all, this shirt doesn't really look like it went through a paper shredder since it is still all in once piece. THIS shirt looks like it went through a paper shredder:

Second of all, Ivy's English is just as tattered as her design. In a later episode, she said (and this is a direct quote) "I was inspired by triangles and squares, because shapes are timeless." We're going to let that sink in for a second. Now, are YOU inspired by this?
How about THIS?

Really? You're not? That's so weird! I can't imagine why you wouldn't be inspired to create a unique piece of couture by those images. I mean, I suppose I could venture a guess-- maybe it's because THEY ARE A FUCKING TRIANGLE AND A FUCKING SQUARE. If she had said that on the runway, I'm sure that Michael would have thrown his chair at her. Heidi would have been like "Even my English isn't that bad, you fucking retard." Nina would have just laughed at her, because I have a feeling that Nina is the smartest of the whole bunch.

Season 9, Episode 2 - My Pet Project

Challenge: Make a garment using supplies from a pet store.

Target: Fallene's dress made from a dog pillow and aquarium flotsam

KORSimile: "She looks like she's at an Autumn Harvest festival. She's Miss Pumpkin! You gotta have candy corn teeth to wear that dress."

I hate it when people do this on this show. They ALWAYS have the unconventional challenge and they reward people who make kooky-ass shit. This dress is not kooky. It's just shit. The point is that you either make something totally wackadoodle that looks like art or you make something unbelievably adorable but normal using crazy shit.

Ok, I can understand how this can be a difficult challenge. I could never, NEVER make a dress out of hamster bedding and leashes. Really, the only thing I could make from hamster bedding is something for a hamster to shit in and pile in corners in its cage. But this show has been doing this for 8 WHOLE SEASONS NOW. Don't these people ever LEARN?!

So, let's consider this KORSimile. This is Miss Pumpkin. I have to say, her couture is far more fabulous than Fallene's bullshit dress.

Is her dress stained with pumpkin blood?

And now let's explore if this dress would really look better with candy corn teeth:

Nope. Still doesn't work.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 7, Episode 10 - Hey, That's My Fabric!

Challenge: Create a look using a textile of your own design!

Target: Jonathan's backwards wrap jacket

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco straightjacket!"

"Oh, look at that. Your husband helps you back on with your straight-jacket. Sweetie, that's not a good thing."

Holy shit, MK. Enough with the disco similes! Clearly, someone misses Studio 54. I actually didn't hate this so much. Sure, the backwards jacket was a little idiotic-- I mean, just put the jacket on the regular way! Is it really that creative to take something normal and put it on backwards? Ooh, I'm going to put my shoes on the wrong feet! I'm an artiste! Ooh, I'm going to walk around like I'm a polar bear and put my pants on my head! I'M THE NEXT ALEXANDER MCQUEEN!

Don't mess with the magistrate.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Disco Fever!

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins

Challenge: Make a new garment from a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco apron!"

Bonus Heidi: "It is butt ugly."

In reference to: Mykael's shirt-dress

No, this dress was not the best. The styling was also really horrendous, as Nina lamented. However, the real issue with this situation is that THIS WOMAN HAS DREADLOCKS. ALL OVER HER HEAD. WHY IS NO ONE SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?!

Season 6, Episode 7 - The Sky is the Limit

Challenge: Create a holiday look for the Macy's INC line incorporating shades of blue.

KORSimile: "I get this teal disco pumpkin."

In Reference To: Jonathan's look
Mike and Caity actually think that's a pretty apropos simile. The more you look at it, the more it actually does look like a pumpkin. Maybe not a disco pumpkin, though-- maybe like a teal colonial pumpkin? Or a teal pumpkin at Red Lobster? Whatever it is, though, the pumpkinness of this look is exacerbated by this model's stem-lookin' head. Dammit, models! Why your heads always lookin' like stems??

Season 6, Episode 1 - Welcome to Los Angeles

Challenge: Create a Red Carpet look showing innovation and your point of view as a designer.

KORSimile: "She looks like a disco soccer ball."

In Reference To: the...whatever the hell this is of...whoever the hell this chick is
Again, totally apropos on the hexagons begin soccer ballish. Our concern, though, is where Michael Kors got his hands on a soccer ball. Must we remind you, MK, that you are A GAY MALE FASHION DESIGNER WHO HAS NO BUSINESS ON A SOCCER FIELD?!

So. Clearly, Michael has an affinity for disco-themed similes. Now, Mike and Caity were not even zygotes when Disco was goin' on, so this representation of the aforementioned looks in a disco setting might not be wholly realistic.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

What do YOU think these look like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 2 - Larger than Life

Challenge: Make a garment that epitomizes the Marie Claire woman to be shown on a billboard in Times Square.

KORSimile: “At night she would feel like she was wearing a satin bedspread, for day everyone in the office would say, ‘is that a walk of shame dress?’”

In Reference To: Jason's "Infinity Dress"

This is Jason trying to explain the "versatility" of his "infinity" "dress."

This is Michael's face as he listens to Jason's bullshit.

Mike and Caity were not so reserved in expressing their displeasure.