Season 9, Episode 4 - All About Nina

Challenge: Create a day-to-night look for Nina Garcia
Target: Danielle's blouse and pants
KORSimile: "This green blouse...you'd have to wear it to Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party."

So did you know that Joan Crawford and Joan Collins are NOT, in fact, the same person? Because that's news to me. If my mom were reading this she would be all "oh you're so young! I'm so old! I'm a terrible mother!" and I'd be all "MOM. ENOUGH. Now make me more chili."

Anyway, this shit is boring. No, it's worse than boring-- it looks like something you could easily find at *vomits* TALBOT'S. Ask Anita how much I hate Talbot's and she'll tell you that I have to look away whenever we pass it in the mall because their brand of un-trendy, bland kindergarten teacher clothes makes me sick to my stomach. And that's what this looks like! Can't you just imagine this girl saying "Good morning, children! My name is Miss Anne and I forgo sex in favor of making lesson plans for a bunch of nose-picking assholes!" (If it wasn't obvious, I also hate children).

What I do NOT see is this girl at a party, let alone Joan Crawford's St. Patty's Day party, which I would assume would be a stone cold hoot complete with cocktails, heavily penciled eyebrows, and abuse.

"No more wire hangers ever! Also, TIME FOR JAEGERBOMBSSSSS"

Now, with that out of the way, it's time for what seems to be an increasingly common topic of these posts: Transvestites that are somewhat related to the KORSimile! In this case, it's a lovely tranny Joan Crawford in a striking emerald gown, the kind appropriate for a super gay St. Patty's Day party.

Cheers, Boy-o!

Season 8, Episode 3 - It's a Party (Part 2)

Challenge: Create a garment using only materials from a party-supply store.

KORSimile: "It's like you said, 'I'm gonna make these damn palm trees work!'"

In Reference To: Sarah's sad cardboard dress

At first I thought this designer reminded me of Gwen Stefani. Now, I LOVE Gwen Stefani. Honestly, I really, really love her. She is fabulous and the human being I aspire to become (meaning, I will probably steal her identity). After she got tricked by Gretchen into spray painting these flaccid cardboard shapes teal, though, I was pissed. Ain't no way Gwen Stefani would take advice from ol' squareface Wretchen.

Otherwise, I can't believe that MK even thought of a KORSimile for this. This is unworthy of his wit. If I were him, and I often wish I were so that I would have an excuse to wear the same exact outfit every single day, I would have just said "You suck. Get the fuck out."

That said, I will ALWAYS come out against making palm trees work.

SAY NO TO PALM TREE SLAVERY. I HAVE ISSUED THIS TREEMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION AND I CANNOT RETRACT IT.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 6 - You Can Totally Wear That Again!

Challenge: Create a new garment using horrible bridesmaids dresses

KORSimile: "You're trying to make her look like she's at the church bring-a-pot dinner...she's got an avocado goiter!"

In Reference To: Peach's dress

A few things:

1. "Avocado Goiter" would be a great name for a band.

2. We really loved Peach. First, she's adorable. Second, she's an old white lady named Peach. Peach! Like Princess Peach! Is this what Princess Peach grows up to be? If so, I think that an older Mario would be LUCKY to have this to hit when he's 50 (since the game was developed in 1983, Mario is probably that age or older. So, DAAAAAAAMN)

3. What is with the old-people humor, Michael? It's all about youth in this business. You can't spend all the episodes talking about bunions and lumbagos and expect your audience to realize that all you mean to say is "this is not one of my favorite colors."

4. Have you ever seen a goiter? We just googled "goiters" for the purpose of this post. We'll let you do the same. Go ahead, we'll wait.

Did you do it? No? Well, here's an example of what you'll turn up if you do:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Disco Fever!

Season 8, Episode 1 - And Sew It Begins

Challenge: Make a new garment from a piece of clothing in another designer's luggage.

KORSimile: "It looks like a disco apron!"

Bonus Heidi: "It is butt ugly."

In reference to: Mykael's shirt-dress

No, this dress was not the best. The styling was also really horrendous, as Nina lamented. However, the real issue with this situation is that THIS WOMAN HAS DREADLOCKS. ALL OVER HER HEAD. WHY IS NO ONE SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?!

Season 6, Episode 7 - The Sky is the Limit

Challenge: Create a holiday look for the Macy's INC line incorporating shades of blue.

KORSimile: "I get this teal disco pumpkin."

In Reference To: Jonathan's look
Mike and Caity actually think that's a pretty apropos simile. The more you look at it, the more it actually does look like a pumpkin. Maybe not a disco pumpkin, though-- maybe like a teal colonial pumpkin? Or a teal pumpkin at Red Lobster? Whatever it is, though, the pumpkinness of this look is exacerbated by this model's stem-lookin' head. Dammit, models! Why your heads always lookin' like stems??

Season 6, Episode 1 - Welcome to Los Angeles

Challenge: Create a Red Carpet look showing innovation and your point of view as a designer.

KORSimile: "She looks like a disco soccer ball."

In Reference To: the...whatever the hell this is of...whoever the hell this chick is
Again, totally apropos on the hexagons begin soccer ballish. Our concern, though, is where Michael Kors got his hands on a soccer ball. Must we remind you, MK, that you are A GAY MALE FASHION DESIGNER WHO HAS NO BUSINESS ON A SOCCER FIELD?!

So. Clearly, Michael has an affinity for disco-themed similes. Now, Mike and Caity were not even zygotes when Disco was goin' on, so this representation of the aforementioned looks in a disco setting might not be wholly realistic.

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

What do YOU think these look like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 5, Episode 4 - Rings of Glory

Challenge: Create a look for the US Olympic Team to wear during the opening ceremonies.

KORSimile: “I don’t know where she’s from. She’s from the Republic of Cocktail-land…If her sport is drinking, it’s a good dress.”

In Reference To: Daniel's Dress

O Cocktail-land! Our homely drunken man!

True ugliness in your buttons command.

With shiny-ness and red piping

The True Fug has no fear!

From far and wide,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

God keep this dress away from me,

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer--

O Cocktail-land, we'll always serve your beer!

The Great Flag of Cocktail-land, complete with the sacred Vomit Stain

Michael tries to see from every angle how Daniel could think this has anything to do with the Olympics. Does Daniel not know that the Olympics is about sports? I mean, really, it's not like the challenge was for him to COMPETE in the Olympics. Just make pants, guys. Just make pants.

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 7, Episode 5 - Run for Cover

Challenge: Create a look for Heidi to wear on the cover of Marie Claire.
KORSimile: "That peach comes off like Ace Bandage. And then once you crop her, she's literally in some kind of weird jog bra with a V-neck."
In Reference To: Mila's dress


Take it from someone who actually does need a sturdy "jog bra" while exercising ("jog bra"? Really? You design women's clothing, MK. You know what it's called.)-- this girl's chesticles could TOTALLY be restrained by an Ace Bandage. Or regular Band-Aids, for that matter.

We have to say, though, that Heidi Klum in a V-neck "jog bra" on the cover of a magazine would probably sell a lot of copies...

Sure, some of them would end up stickier than your average Marie Claire, but a magazine sold is a magazine sold.

Michael's reaction to Heidi's tits is a pretty strong "meh."

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!

Season 8, Episode 9 - Race to the Finish

Challenge: Create a high fashion look and a ready-to-wear companion piece for a L’Oreal Paris photo shoot.
KORSimile: "They look like Bridesmaids under the sea!"
In Reference To: Ivy's dresses

The taffeta is always greener

In somebody else’s lake

Ivy thought that this looked good,

But that is a big mistake.

Just look at the poor construction

It is giving Michael fits!

Such horrible color choices,

Just look at the models’ tits!

Under the sea,

Under the sea,

Darling it’s stupid,

Aqua is putrid

Take it from me!

The necklines are crooked and they're whack

Don’t get me started on the back,

You’re a bad designer

And such a whiner

Under the sea!

What do YOU think this looks like? Post a comment with your OWN KORSimile!